So Papa Bear is a problem, too. As an opposing figure to Mama Bear, ever efficient and orderly, Papa is a total screw-up. He's one of the most incompetent fathers in contemporary children's fiction. When Mama is called away to help Cousin Bertha with her baby twins, Papa manages to destroy the house in a matter of hours. In one scene he forgets to open the fireplace flue, and as the house fills with smoke he swats the flames with a feather pillow. His two young children rescue the situation, knowing wisely that water works better than feathers.
In nearly every book Papa Bear is the one who doesn't get it. He still wants Choco-Chums and Sweetsie Cola when everyone else is choosing carrot sticks and raisins. He's the last hold-out on pollution--a modern-day naysayer on global warming--denying until the story ends that Professor Actual Factual may be right after all.
But as in the case with Mama, Papa Bear hits a little too close to home. For fathers today are a bit like him: involved, but incapable of doing it right. Sure, we've got more dads than ever before changing diapers and staying home with their kids. But are we really comfortable with how they do the job, particularly the work that women used to do?
If you send any father with his child to the doctor, I guarantee you that the mother of that child won't be happy with the information, or lack of information, that he brings home. Send him to a school conference and she'll wish she'd gone. The questions that Mom deems important aren't the same ones for Dad.
So what would happen if Papa Bear suddenly starred in a story where he commanded respect, instead of bumbling his way around the periphery of the family? Perhaps he could be seen taking charge or simply listening to his kids. This would get us closer to where we'd like to be, and where we often are when we're not invested in maintaining control.
For this is what it's all about, the grasp to control our children's lives in whatever ways we think possible. We delude ourselves, though, at a cost to all of us. Lives unfold in ways we never imagined, including the lives of our children.
If we can find ways to cede the control, we just might restore the balance we so desperately need.
Wait! How come only mamas are allowed to be depressed and overwhelmed? Sure, stay-at-home papas are incompetent, at least this one, and no one wants to read that book either. But at least grant us the right to fail, come National Grilled Cheese Month.
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