Sweet Congressman

With budget negotiations about to begin in Washington--in all their absurdity--I'm reminded of "Big Spender" from the musical Sweet Charity.  This song's about Paul Ryan:

The minute he walked in the House
I could see he was a man on a mission
A real cost cutter
Good looking, soulful eyes
Say wouldn't you like to know what's going on in his mind?

So let me get right to the point
He would give tax breaks to all the richest folks
Hey Paul Ryan
Spend a little dough on us.

A Dog's Life: Washington Waggers

Have you ever noticed that politicians look like dogs?  Take the quiz below and match the photographs with the following public figures: John Boehner, Michele Bachmann, Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, Dick Cheney, and Paul Ryan.  Answers appear at the end (though multiple interpretations are acceptable--except for the basset hound and the bull terrier).

A) Afghan hound:
          

B) Basset hound:

C) Toy fox terrier:

                     

D) Chinese crested:

          

E) Bull terrier:
                                                                                            

F) Collie:
                                                                            
Answers: A) Nancy Pelosi  B) John Boehner  C) Paul Ryan  D) Michele Bachmann  E) Dick Cheney  F) Joe Biden

Honor Thy Blue-Collar Parents

For all of you working-class parents out there, it's your time to shine.  And the poorer you are, the better.  At least this is the message I take from both parties' political conventions.  Speakers are knocking themselves out to boast the humblest, most self-sacrificing parent on earth:

Ann Romney's father started working at 6 years old cleaning bottles in a small village in Wales.

Mitt Romney's father, born in Mexico, began as a carpenter.

Marco Rubio's father was a bartender, and his mother worked the overnight shift at K-Mart.

Paul Ryan's mother rode 40 miles on a bus each morning to earn a college degree.

Chris Christie's father grew up in poverty and worked at the Breyer's Ice Cream factory.

Michelle Obama's father was a pump operator at the city water plant.

Elizabeth Warren's father was a maintenance man, and her mother answered phones for Sears.

All of these people have in common the gift of unconditional love for their children, a good thing of course.  But you gotta wonder.  When did parents become so fashionable?  You didn't used to acknowledge even having parents, let alone brag about them--especially if they toiled away in low-paying jobs.

Blue-collar parents are cool, I guess, especially if you turned out OK.  If you didn't, well never mind, you won't make it to a speaker's podium anyway.  Besides, with all of the money flowing through these two campaigns' coffers, you won't matter a whole heck of a lot. 

Talk is cheap, after all.  Isn't that what Paul Ryan's father used to say?*

(*Actually he used to say, "You can be part of the problem, or you can be part of the solution"--but who cares about facts?)

In the Botanical Gardens, as in Life. . .

The Republican Party keeps getting kookier and kookier

Dominated by old, angry white men

Their misogyny is breathtaking.

The rest of us watch their antics puzzled, in disbelief

As these creatures--with tough shells and thick skin--trudge ever onward.

Radical Politics

Paul Ryan and Sarah Palin have something in common: they're a lot more fun and interesting--and more dangerous--than the men at the top who selected them.  Paul Ryan is now electrifying the campaign of his wooden boss in the same way that Sarah Palin did four years ago. 

It's a curious contradiction: while Republicans seem to want some kind of steadfast predictability, as seen in their selections of Mitt Romney and John McCain, they're drawn at the same time to the risky proposals of the Tea Party--but not enough to put forward such candidates for president.  It's as if they're marrying the sure and steady guy and flirting with the unreliable one.

And yet, curiouser still, is the fact that Mitt Romney in some ways hasn't been a sure and steady guy.  He gives off the appearance of a soothing "Father Knows Best" figure but without a consistent record to show what he believes.  Paul Ryan as his choice for vice president, on the other hand, has such a long record of specific policies that we know exactly what he believes.  And what he believes is a problem for women, for the elderly, for students, for workers, and for pretty much all of us--except the wealthy.

In the end, though, his presence on the ticket is a problem for Mitt Romney and the Republicans, for he highlights the party's internal conflicts and its attraction for "radical social engineering," as Newt Gingrich so aptly put it.  The wheel has turned once again: Republicans have replaced Democrats as the party of radical politics.