A Dog's Life: Washington Waggers

Have you ever noticed that politicians look like dogs?  Take the quiz below and match the photographs with the following public figures: John Boehner, Michele Bachmann, Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, Dick Cheney, and Paul Ryan.  Answers appear at the end (though multiple interpretations are acceptable--except for the basset hound and the bull terrier).

A) Afghan hound:
          

B) Basset hound:

C) Toy fox terrier:

                     

D) Chinese crested:

          

E) Bull terrier:
                                                                                            

F) Collie:
                                                                            
Answers: A) Nancy Pelosi  B) John Boehner  C) Paul Ryan  D) Michele Bachmann  E) Dick Cheney  F) Joe Biden

Random Questions on the SOTU

I thought the President's speech on Tuesday night was excellent.  Just a few questions, though:

1. Did Joe Biden and John Boehner coordinate their purple and pink Easter ties?

2. Can we get a new Speaker of the House, if for no other reason than to have a more pleasant-looking person seated behind the President?

3. Isn't there something wrong with people who don't applaud the goal to educate all preschool-aged children in America?

4. Can we pay our legislators the minimum wage?

5. Is it me, or has Marco Rubio been over-hyped?

Joe Biden Rising

Here's to Joe Biden.  He's emerged as President Obama's best emissary and negotiator during both the fiscal cliff talks and now in discussions on gun violence.  Perhaps this development is a sign that the President will use the executive branch more in his second term rather than defer to our hapless Congress.

With the American folk song "Old Joe Clark" as our guide, we salute the Vice President (and hope that he continues to take charge--rather than the Congressional leaders who've gotten us nowhere):

Joe Biden he made a deal
With the other side,
Stepped into a big old mess
Of talks that had just died.

Hello Joe Biden
Good-bye Harry Reid,
Hello Joe Biden
It's time for you to lead.

Joe Biden he is our man
Taking on tough stuff,
Trying to enact a ban
'Cause we've had enough.

Hello Joe Biden
Good-bye Nancy P,
Hello Joe Biden
You now hold the key.

Joe Biden he listens well
Gets along with all,
Doesn't demonize his foes
Up and down the Mall.

Hello Joe Biden
Good-bye Mitch and John,
Hello Joe Biden
We're so glad you won.

The Fools on the Hill

On New Year's Eve our local PBS station broadcast the original film of the Beatles' Magical Mystery Tour.  Wild and wacky, it features a segment where Paul McCartney sings "The Fool on the Hill."  How amusing to hear this song on the very eve that our Republican-led House of Representatives attempted to steer us over the cliff, veering dangerously towards the extreme views of its party.

Day after day,
"At work" on the Hill,
The men of the Tea Party keep thwarting
bill after bill
And most of us just don't get them,
We can see that they're really fools,
'Cause they never give an answer

'Cept to keep the rich untaxed,
For they don't understand,
And the eyes in their head,
See their world giving way.

Full of themselves,
Heads in a cloud,
These men of unreasoned voices talking perfectly loud
And very few want to hear them,
Or the sound they appear to make,
'Cause they never give an answer

'Cept to keep the rich untaxed,
For they don't understand,
And the eyes in their head,
See their world giving way.

And even John Boehner irks them,
They won't do what he wants them to,
'Cause they have their own agenda,

All these fools on the Hill,
See the sun going down,
And the eyes in their head,
See their world giving way.

Failure to Perform

On the eve of the fiscal cliff dive, perhaps we should consider withholding pay from our legislators when they fail to do their job.  The House of Representatives is especially non-functioning.  What kind of evaluation would most of us receive if we didn't provide services to our customers--the very services we're paid to do?  We're stuck with a sorry lot on Capitol Hill.  The children's song "Did You Ever See a Lassie?" comes to mind:

Did you ever see a Congress
reneging like this one?
Did you ever see a Congress
reneging like this?

Right wingers, they dither,
They dawdle and postpone.
Did you ever see a Congress
reneging like this?

Over the F'Cliff

For some reason the fiscal cliff provides endless opportunities for spoofing.  Perhaps it's the unfortunate name we've given it.  At any rate, sing to the tune of "Over the River and Through the Woods":

Over the F'Cliff and down the tubes
To John Boehner's House we go.
His troops are extreme, they make up a team
That only ever says NO!

Over the F'Cliff and down the tubes
Oh how right wingers whine.
It's taxes they hate no matter the rate
Dumb pledges they did sign.

Just Two Guys

Thursday's news that President Obama and House Speaker Boehner will conduct fiscal negotiations alone (without Mitch McConnell, Nancy Pelosi, or Harry Reid present) reminds me of an old song by Grover Washington, Jr., and Bill Withers, "Just the Two of Us."  The breezy romanticism of the original song provides a nice contrast with the brinkmanship currently taking place.

I see ahead a fiscal cliff
That I want so hard to miss but I don't know if we will
To make a deal is hard to do when there's no one else to blame
And I must report back to the Hill.

Just the two of us
We can make it if we try
Just the two of us

Just the two of us
Building bridges in D.C.
Just the two of us
You and me.

We look for cuts, no time for tears
Deficits are all that is and they don't make no jobs to grow
Good things might come to those who wait, not for those who wait too late
We've got to generate more dough.

Just the two of us
We can make it if we try
Just the two of us

Just the two of us
Cutting deals across the aisle
Just the two of us
No more bile.

I hear the tax pledge signers sigh I am simply not their guy
It's Grover Norquist they prefer
And, Barry, when that date arrives and I see the cliff in sight
I want to be with you, dear sir.

Just the two of us
We can make it if we try
Just the two of us

Just the two of us
Trying hard to compromise
Just the two of us
Just two guys.

Over the Cliff

Here's one for our feckless Congress.  Sing to the tune of "She'll Be Comin' Round the Mountain":

We'll be jumpin' off the fiscal cliff, we will,
We'll be jumpin' off the fiscal cliff, we will,
We can't ask the rich to pay more
'Cause they'll end up being too poor
So we're jumpin' off the fiscal cliff, we are.

Prez is drivin' a hard bargain, yes he is,
Prez is drivin' a hard bargain, yes he is,
Boehner still wants all those tax cuts
Keep in line all his right-wing nuts
Prez is drivin' a hard bargain, yes he is.

And we'll go into recession when we jump,
Yes we'll go into recession when we jump,
'Cause our Congress made a bad deal
One we wish that they could repeal
So we'll go into recession when we jump.

Some will kill negotiations when they can,
Some will kill negotiations when they can,
That's the problem with our Congress
How it functions no one can guess
Some will kill negotiations when they can.

We'll be shoutin' Hallelujah when we jump,
We'll be shoutin' Hallelujah when we jump,
For we know no one can save us
So let's not create a big fuss
We'll be shoutin' Hallelujah when we jump.

Random Thoughts on President Obama. . .

on the occasion of his 50th birthday.

1. He gives good speeches, often excellent ones.

2. He caves to his opponents.

3. He negotiates from a position of weakness.

4. He defers too much to Congress.

5. He betrays his base.

I don't know what to make of this guy. Most of the time I agree with what he says, but somehow what he says doesn't translate into action. Is he getting bad advice, or does he have some larger plan in mind?

Whatever's going on, I'm discouraged. I feel like we're all drifting along towards catastrophe--financial and environmental, especially--and the captain still doesn't grasp his job.

Unfortunately, his opponents have spotted the vacuum and they've taken control of the ship, steering us in the wrong direction. The iceberg looms, it's not even hidden, and we're headed right for it.

A Pox on All Our Houses

Our government in Washington is a disgrace. Whatever comes of this charade doesn't begin to address the problems we face. Pervasive ignorance and selfishness at our highest levels demean all of us.

In the words of all of our presidents--whenever they address us--"May God bless the United States of America." We couldn't need it more.

Reflections on the SOTU

Part I. John Boehner seemed oddly uncomfortable throughout the speech. He didn't fit his new clothes as Speaker of the House, and certainly didn't resemble someone riding a wave of change. He looked liked he'd eaten something sour. I wonder what this means for the work of this Congress.

Part II. President Reagan's idea in 1982 to honor ordinary heroes at the SOTU was brilliant. I love watching the people who sit with the First Lady; Tuesday night was no exception. They're the only ones in the room who look like the rest of us and seem to have a clue of what living in this country is really like. Especially wonderful was the woman from Forsyth County, North Carolina, who has returned to school to pursue a degree in biotechnology. When President Obama began speaking about her, she turned to those around her and said, "That's me! That's me!"

Pure spontaneity is not what these speeches are about.

Part III. The long, thunderous applause for our troops disturbed me, not because they don't deserve it. They do. But the applause was like the bumper stickers that say "Support our Troops"; these feel like lip service paid to people who give up their lives in ways that the rest of us can't imagine and aren't called on to do. We're not even asked to pay more to support their work. All we need to do is clap every so often and all will be well.

Part IV. I was glad to see President Obama dispel the arrogant notion of American exceptionalism without giving up on American idealism. Finally someone told us from the top what we need to hear: China is now home to the world's fastest computer, South Koreans have greater internet access than we do, our own engineers give our infrastructure a "D," and we have sunk to 9th place in the percentage of college degrees held. So much for an America that's better than the rest of the world.

Yet the President reminded us at the same time that "we are the nation of Edison and the Wright brothers; of Google and Facebook." He called this our Sputnik moment and challenged us to do better. I liked his message. We may have talents as a nation, but these aren't automatically handed to us. We need to work hard and to think imaginatively to reclaim a special place in the world.

Part V. Nobody called out, "You lie." Maybe we're moving, gradually, to a better place.

Speculative News

What to do when there's no news to report? Speculate, of course. The possibilities are endless: how will John Boehner shepherd his flock of wandering Republicans? Who will President Obama choose for his new staff? Will they satisfy the endlessly unhappy progressives or antagonize them even more? Will the Democrats get their act together? Will Harry Reid crack a smile?

Speculative news is non-news. We get it all the time when things are slow. Weather forecasters are good at it here in North Carolina, especially when a winter storm is on the way, or might be on the way, or might be somewhere on the east coast. Fortify your bread and milk supply, and don't forget the batteries. You never know what trouble two inches of snow might bring.

But it looks like the winds are changing. The Republicans were finally sworn in, they'll soon begin passing irresponsible legislation, and we'll all be back in business.

Rejoice, news junkies of every stripe. There's hope that non-news will soon fade to new news.

In the meantime, we can all take comfort in today's reading of the Constitution at the opening of Congress--pausing to reflect particularly on the Republican party's commitment to establishing Justice, insuring domestic Tranquility, and promoting the general Welfare.

Let the year begin.

Turkey Pardons

It's fine that President Obama pardoned a Thanksgiving turkey this year, but it's not fine that he continues to pardon the other turkeys in his midst: Congressional Republicans. The President has offered so many olive branches to John Boehner and Mitch McConnell that I think even Jesus would say Obama has turned his cheek too many times.

The Bush tax cut extensions offer President Obama one more chance--and perhaps one final chance--to speak on behalf of the majority of Americans and on behalf of the people who elected him. He needs to say forcefully, and to say every day, that he does not support extending tax cuts for the wealthiest among us. Millionaires don't need a tax break, and many of them agree. This is no time for compromise.

If the President's opponents in Congress outnumber him, so be it. He will have stood up for what's just and right.

This year's lucky Thanksgiving turkey will spend the rest of his days at Mount Vernon, waddling where George Washington once walked. If Barack Obama sells out poor and middle-class Americans on this issue, he may find himself going the way of the turkey: into early retirement, living among ex-presidents. For such a sell-out runs the risk of opening up the presidential field to a third-party candidate, splitting the Democratic party, and alienating once loyal supporters for good.

HELP!

Dear Abby,
I’m getting so much advice I don’t know where to turn. You’re my last hope. Talking heads everywhere are telling me what to do. I need to emote, I need to connect, I need to compromise, I need to lead.

It’s tough running a country with a bunch of know-it-alls. Even Sasha told me I ought to jog through the Mall or stop more often for Big Macs.

What’s a president to do?

Unaudaciously yours,
Barack O

Dear Barack O,
I know how you feel. Every time I give advice, I get letters the next day telling me how wrong I was. “Give that husband another chance?” they write. “No way.” You can’t win.

I take it by your name that you’re running the good old U. S. of A. Too bad for you. They’re a bad bunch, spoiled by years of free speech. But don’t let them get you down.

Here’s an idea. Wipe away a few tears every now and then, like that new Speaker you’ve got. Choke up when you talk about the American dream or when you see children saluting the flag. It’ll work every time.

In the meantime, don’t worry. Your people have short attention spans. They’ll soon be talking about the next American Idol and won’t remember a thing about you.

LOL,
Abby

The Ice Man Speaketh

Following President Obama’s press conference yesterday, news analysts on NPR highlighted the President’s lack of emotion. Talking heads on MSNBC did the same. Why does this trait of Obama’s—his ability to remain calm no matter what—bother the press so much?

In response to one reporter’s question—“When you call your friends . . . and you see the Democratic Party set back, what does it feel like?”—President Obama replied, “It feels bad.”

A reasonable answer, I thought.

But this wasn’t good enough for NPR’s news analysts. It actually made them chuckle. Obama’s supposed lack of emotion translates into a flaw. He doesn’t care, he doesn’t get it—these are the charges against him.

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather put my trust in the man who thinks under pressure and remains steadfast in his outlook . . . rather than our blubbering new House Speaker weeping over his weary childhood. We don’t need emotion at the top. We need courage and leadership.

I hope President Obama can summons these traits as a response to the “shellacking” he got yesterday, rather than focus on some misguided need to change his style. And fewer tears from John Boehner would be welcomed as well; he’s got work to do, and it’s time to replace the floors he mopped at his father’s tavern with the jobs Americans need to get back to work.