HELP!

Dear Abby,
I’m getting so much advice I don’t know where to turn. You’re my last hope. Talking heads everywhere are telling me what to do. I need to emote, I need to connect, I need to compromise, I need to lead.

It’s tough running a country with a bunch of know-it-alls. Even Sasha told me I ought to jog through the Mall or stop more often for Big Macs.

What’s a president to do?

Unaudaciously yours,
Barack O

Dear Barack O,
I know how you feel. Every time I give advice, I get letters the next day telling me how wrong I was. “Give that husband another chance?” they write. “No way.” You can’t win.

I take it by your name that you’re running the good old U. S. of A. Too bad for you. They’re a bad bunch, spoiled by years of free speech. But don’t let them get you down.

Here’s an idea. Wipe away a few tears every now and then, like that new Speaker you’ve got. Choke up when you talk about the American dream or when you see children saluting the flag. It’ll work every time.

In the meantime, don’t worry. Your people have short attention spans. They’ll soon be talking about the next American Idol and won’t remember a thing about you.

LOL,
Abby