Medical Menus

"Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed."

No matter which clinic you call at Duke University Medical Center, you're greeted with this recorded message. It's offensive on several fronts. First, the admonition to "please listen carefully" feels like you're in kindergarten. No doubt many choose the wrong option, but this probably has less to do with careless listening than with honest confusion.

Second, the phrase "menu options" suggests that you are at a restaurant, which you most certainly are not. Navigating the menu--whether it's to reschedule an appointment or to resolve a bill--is about as far from enjoying a delicious dinner as you can get.

Finally, the statement that the "options have changed" is fundamentally dishonest. If it were true, the options would change constantly, on a daily or weekly basis. They don't. Rather, the phrase is a ploy to reinforce the opening directive to "please listen carefully."

So we're back where we started. Irritated and annoyed and distracted: primed to choose the wrong option.