Eat, Pray, Martha

Several years ago my aunt gave me a subscription to one of Martha Stewart's magazines.  When the gift announcement arrived, I didn't know anything about the magazine or about Martha Stewart.  I thought maybe she was a religious figure.  Now, all these years later, I know she's a religious figure.

You see, even though that old subscription ended, we got a new one last year--this time, a freebie from a Stonyfield Yogurt contest.  The magazine, Martha Stewart Living, is filled with beautiful food, beautiful decor, and beautiful people--perfection, of a sort.  My favorite feature is called "Martha's Month," a one-page calendar that highlights Martha's daily activities.  Next month, for example, she will "Replace any expired spices" on November 2; "Polish silverware on November 20; "Stargaze with telescope" on November 27; and "Get blades sharpened on ice skates" on November 30.

Tell me, does anyone live like this?

Nowhere on her calendar does it ever say "Sort through piles of paper stacked throughout house" on November 6; "Water dying houseplants" on November 15; "Delete 200 emails" on November 21; or "Gather 10-year-old 35 mm film for developing" on November 28.  Only then could I relate.

Martha Stewart a religious figure?  In a way.  She's developed a set of precepts for living; they're clearly spelled out; and she tries to teach you how to live up to them.  And, like most religious precepts, they're impossible to follow!