3 Ring Circus

So now the health care bill has moved to Ring #3, our august Supreme Court, which may overturn the work of Rings #1 and #2. Meanwhile, medical costs keep rising and more people lose health insurance. It's as if Washington fiddles while America burns. Here's a revised version of "Send in the Clowns" (with apologies to Judy Collins):

Isn't it rich?
Aren't we screwed?
Us here all the time paying bills
You in your robes. . .
Where are the clowns?

Isn't it strange?
Don't you agree?
One who keeps losing ground
One who won't budge. . .
But where are the clowns?
Send in the clowns.

Just when we'd hoped for a change
Finally thinking Americans would be insured.
Hoping for fairness for all in our usual way,
Sure of our rights. . .
No one is there.

Don't you love farce?
Your fault, we fear.
We thought that you'd want what we want. . .
Sorry, D.C.
But where are the clowns?
Quick, send in the clowns
Don't bother, they're here.

Isn't it rich?
Isn't it queer?
Not having insurance after all these years.
But where are the clowns?
There ought to be clowns. . .
Well, maybe next year.

Spring Symphony

The first violinist takes her place



The flutists position themselves



The harpist bends to one side



The conductor raises his baton



Let the music begin.

Climate Change. . .

March showers bring April flowers.

You May Say I'm a Dreamer

The killing of 16 Afghan civilians, mostly women and children, by an American staff sergeant last week brought us to a new low in the war in Afghanistan. But we've been here before, many times. The My Lai massacre in Vietnam comes immediately to mind; having occurred almost exactly 44 years ago, it was more horrific in scale but otherwise a similar crime.

When we put people in brutal situations, we must expect brutal behavior. So why are we shocked when these events happen? Commentators are now analyzing Sgt. Bales' life and his 4 deployments over the last 10 years. Was his marriage stressful? Did the fact that he'd seen a buddy lose his leg the day before affect his state of mind? Did he have Post-traumatic stress disorder?

Tell me, who doesn't have PTSD who's been sent off for the sole purpose of killing fellow humans?

It's not right. War is not right. Call me naive, but it's time to stop the killing. Every time we send a young man or woman to Iraq or Afghanistan, we set in motion a cascade of destruction. Atrocities committed, lives lost, families separated, dreams ruined--all for what?

John Lennon had it right:

"Imagine all the people
Living life in peace. . .
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one."

Experts Part 2

Sometime around the Christmas holiday a reporter from The Herald-Sun interviewed me about gift-giving. When I asked why she'd called me, I laughed out loud at her answer: "Because you're an etiquette expert," she said. (My grandmother would have laughed, too--she, who used to knock my elbows out from under me when she'd join us for meals at our dining room table.) I'm an etiquette expert, apparently, because I published two columns in recent years about manners and I was once quoted in an AP article about RSVPs. Miss Manners I'm not.

Whether we watch Fox News or listen to NPR, we hear opinions from experts who have been designated as such by often-unseen editors and producers. The expertise may be as suspect as my etiquette credentials, yet most of us don't realize this. With round-the-clock news and the proliferation of talk shows, lots of unqualified people peddle their ideas.

Which makes selection of news sources all the more important. The Diane Rehm Show is my most reliable resource for balanced, comprehensive information. Produced by WAMU in Washington, D.C., and aired on public radio stations, the program features opposing perspectives on current events by knowledgeable guests. Perhaps most important is Diane Rehm's manner: calm, measured, and--contrary to most of her peers--not at all inflammatory. Her integrity is beyond question, and she treats callers with equal respect. In short, her character attests to the character of her experts.

If we had more news programs like The Diane Rehm Show, we'd be a better informed populace.

Experts Part 1

One day last week on "All Things Considered," the host invited listeners to call in with our opinions about a containment policy towards Iran. Since I didn't really know what containment meant, I wasn't about to pick up the phone and express my thoughts. Fortunately, not too many other people did either.

Every day in America talk radio is filled with opinions from ordinary people like me. I wonder about the merits of giving all of us a voice. When we're all experts on everything, are we less likely to hear the opinions of those who might actually know something that we don't?

Such thinking--that all opinions are equal--serves only to reinforce the strain of anti-intellectualism that runs through our culture. The suspicion of those who are educated has always run deep, but Paul Krugman writes in a recent New York Times column that the Republican presidential candidates have sharpened the attack in new ways. The resulting disrespect for knowledge gives all of us permission to ignore expertise.

Therefore, we can ignore the wisdom of scientists who explain climate change; we can ignore the wisdom of economists who explain deficit spending; and we can ignore the wisdom of historians who explain Afghanistan.

I like to give my opinions, too. But when I don't know what I'm talking about, I hope I defer to those who do.

A Dog's Life: Her Highness' Dog

"I am his Highness' dog at Kew;
Pray tell me, sir, whose dog are you?"

Alexander Pope

Sartorial Spectacle

Is there anyone more uncomfortable-looking than Mitt Romney in jeans? Similarly, can any of us ever buy a sweater vest for the men in our lives after watching Rick Santorum model one after another? It's refreshing, in a way, to see male politicians suffer fashion scrutiny previously reserved for women. After all, about this time 4 years ago, we were commenting on Hillary Clinton's traveling pants, and we'd soon be treated to the debut of Sarah Palin.

Mitt Romney took the sartorial discussion to a new level, though, when he derided NASCAR enthusiasts for wearing plastic rain ponchos. Somehow, I don't want a president who comments on our clothes--especially when they're cheap and the best we can do. He tried to right himself on Fox News later in the week by telling Bill O'Reilly--"Look, I have worn a garbage bag for rain gear myself"--but I think we can agree that he dug himself in deeper.

Still, I credit Mr. Romney with helping me this weekend make a wise fashion choice. Before heading out on a rainy Saturday morning to a school meeting held, uncharacteristically, at one of Durham's most exclusive country clubs, I paused to consider my options. Garbage bag? No. Cheap plastic poncho? No. Slightly less cheap vinyl slicker? No.

With Mitt as my guide, I carried a simple umbrella. And I didn't wear jeans or a sweater vest. He would have been proud.

A Modest Proposal

In the spirit of New York City's release of teacher evaluation scores last week, I propose that we conduct a similar process for our nation's doctors. Included in our report will be only general practitioners and pediatricians, since they--like teachers--are paid less than others with comparable degrees. We'll use as our measure the weight of each doctor's patients over a two-year period, just as NYC's teachers were evaluated based only on student scores on standardized tests.

Other measures will not be included. Doctors will receive no credit for preventive health screenings, effective management of chronic diseases, accurate diagnoses, or patient advocacy. Factors contributing to patients' weights will not be considered; all that matters is the number of patients who maintain a healthy weight. Doctors will lose points for overweight and obese patients, and for any patient who gains weight during the evaluation.

Results will be published online in The New York Times, The Washington Post, the L.A. Times, and USA Today. All you'll need to do is type in the name of your doctor and her score will appear. Kathleen Sibelius, Secretary of Health and Human Services, will quote her co-worker Education Secretary Arne Duncan on the release of such information: "Silence is not an option."

The American Medical Association, in protesting the evaluation process, will be denounced for behaving like an angry teachers' union. Individual doctors will be held in contempt by their patients, who will think they know more about practicing medicine than doctors do. Fewer young people will apply to medical school, realizing that professions treated with disrespect can't flourish.

Instead they'll try teaching, and end up right where they started.