A Modest Proposal

In the spirit of New York City's release of teacher evaluation scores last week, I propose that we conduct a similar process for our nation's doctors. Included in our report will be only general practitioners and pediatricians, since they--like teachers--are paid less than others with comparable degrees. We'll use as our measure the weight of each doctor's patients over a two-year period, just as NYC's teachers were evaluated based only on student scores on standardized tests.

Other measures will not be included. Doctors will receive no credit for preventive health screenings, effective management of chronic diseases, accurate diagnoses, or patient advocacy. Factors contributing to patients' weights will not be considered; all that matters is the number of patients who maintain a healthy weight. Doctors will lose points for overweight and obese patients, and for any patient who gains weight during the evaluation.

Results will be published online in The New York Times, The Washington Post, the L.A. Times, and USA Today. All you'll need to do is type in the name of your doctor and her score will appear. Kathleen Sibelius, Secretary of Health and Human Services, will quote her co-worker Education Secretary Arne Duncan on the release of such information: "Silence is not an option."

The American Medical Association, in protesting the evaluation process, will be denounced for behaving like an angry teachers' union. Individual doctors will be held in contempt by their patients, who will think they know more about practicing medicine than doctors do. Fewer young people will apply to medical school, realizing that professions treated with disrespect can't flourish.

Instead they'll try teaching, and end up right where they started.