Saturday, March 30, 2013

Gay Sera, Sera (Opus #2)

Yet another historic week for gay rights in America, for which my theme song is "Que Sera, Sera" or "Gay Sera, Sera."  Here's a new version to commemorate this week's hearings at the Supreme Court:

When the Court heard the marriage cases
Supporters rallied outside the hall
Colorful banners, humorous costumes
Just like a festive ball.

Gay sera, sera
Whatever will be will be,
The future's equality
Gay sera, sera.
What will be will be.

Seems that the usual strait-laced judges
Will rule the usual restrictive way
Creepy Scalia, cautious Alito,
Coke-drinking Clarence, too.

Gay sera, sera
Whatever will be will be,
The future's equality
Gay sera, sera.
What will be will be.

No matter what these judges do
Gay marriage is here and it will stay
Guys wearing black robes can't do much about
Who rolls with whom in hay.

Gay sera, sera
Whatever will be will be,
The future's equality
Gay sera, sera.
What will be will be.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Resurrection

Good news for those of you who occasionally doubt the events of Easter Sunday.  According to an item placed in The Butner Creedmoor News (NC), a "Visit With Jesus" was held this past Saturday at the First Baptist Church of Butner.  Pictures with Jesus were available for $3 each.

Take that, Doubting Thomas.

And happy Easter to all.

Monday, March 25, 2013

March Madness

My family tells me that brackets are all the rage, as the NCAA tournament eliminates one contender after another.  I've come up with my own bracket for a tournament called the PRPA--Problematic Republican Political Association.  As you'll see below, you choose from each pair the more objectionable politician and arrive at a winner.


John Boehner took my trophy, but you might come up with your own winner.  Give it a try and let me know who won your PRPA.

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Rocky Mountain High

With North Carolina's political climate becoming more and more regressive, I find myself envying those who live in Colorado--where both gun safety and gay rights laws were passed this week.  Here's a song of celebration; sing to the tune of "Oklahoma":

COL-ORADO
Where the winds of change sweep through each day
Where the governor
Is not afraid
Of members of the NRA.

COL-ORADO
Where gay rights are a priority
Where the hate of yore
Is out the door
And the state respects humanity.

These laws should be laws of the land
Ones that all of the states should demand
So when we say
Yeow!  Aye-yip-aye-yo-ee-ay!
We're only saying
You're doing great, Colorado,
Colorado, hooray!

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Helen Borus

Here's my helleborus. . .



. . . which reminds me of a story about my friend Mary.  When she started confirmation class at our church years ago, the minister met with both the kids and their parents at the first meeting.  In giving an overview of our theology, he said, "We're not a church that believes in hell and damnation."

Puzzled by this statement, Mary turned to her mother and whispered, "Helen who?"

So here's to Helen Damnation, whoever she is, and a plant that shares her etymology.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Pop Goes the Gun Shot

When someone shot off fire crackers in our neighborhood on Friday night, I thought the noise was gunfire.  I'd heard similar sounds earlier in the week and posted the concern to our online neighborhood forum--which triggered (pun intended) a host of responses.  Many people, like me, thought they'd heard gunfire.

The next day I ran into our neighbor who manages the forum.  It turns out he's had guns all his life, having received his first weapon when he was eight, and he still wasn't convinced that the sounds were fire crackers; in fact, he'd been pretty sure at the time that he'd heard gunfire.

Which made me wonder--if an experienced, long-time gun owner is no better than I at telling the difference between fire crackers and gun shots, how reliable is anyone's judgment about firearms?  We're led to believe that responsible gun owners are trained appropriately in handling weapons, but what does this really mean when something unexpected happens?

I don't think it means much.  When someone shoots a gun, the circumstances are rarely planned or orderly.  Chaos and confusion reign.  Imagine if all of us who heard gunfire Friday night raced out with our weapons to take matters in our own hands.  This is what the NRA envisions?

No thanks.  The fewer of us who wield these powerful machines, the better.  Support any and all restrictions; it's the only sane way forward.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Papal Parody

Our papal plot has come to an end, and so we sing one final song to the tune of "Don't Cry For Me, Argentina," from Evita:

Give us a pope, Argentina
The truth is we need a new way
To preach our message
Without distraction
Of crimes and scandal
You know what I mean.

We had to let it happen
We had to change
Couldn't keep the same old Euro popes
Blessing us from the window
Praying out in the sun
So we chose Francis
Hoping for sure that he'd clean up the mess
He's modest, impressing us all
We never expected him to.

Give us a pope, Argentina
The truth is we need a new way
To preach our message
Without distraction
Of crimes and scandal
You know what I mean.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

A Dog's Life: Cassidy & Sundance

"We need another and a wiser and perhaps a more mystical concept of animals. . .


"In a world older and more complete than ours they move finished and complete, gifted with extensions of the senses we have lost or never attained, living by voices we shall never hear.  They are not brethren, they are not underlings;


they are other nations, caught with ourselves in the net of life and time, fellow prisoners of the splendour and travail of the earth."

- Henry Beston

Monday, March 11, 2013

The Color of Hate

No wonder the congregation at Durham's Judea Reform synagogue gasped when they heard the news.  North Carolina's Department of Transportation is requiring that drivers' licenses of undocumented workers be marked with a pink stripe.  Sound familiar?  Sort of like the yellows stars of David that Jews were made to wear during the Holocaust.

As the synagogue's Rabbi Friedman said,  "The amazing thing to me is that Governor McCrory would not have had the historical sensitivity to realize what this would evoke in people. . . Wasn't it so obvious?"

Apparently not.  McCrory thought he'd developed a compromise between those who didn't think these young adults--brought to America as children by their parents--should be allowed to drive at all and those who thought they should.  Another example of compromise gone wrong--where human rights are whittled down to nothingness.

That we have too many ignorant people in power, both locally and nationally, is an understatement.  The rest of us cannot back down.  We need to keep showing up--on election day, in churches, in our neighborhoods and work places.

Hate and ignorance run rampant---especially when painted pink--are a dangerous combination.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Go Cardinals!

Looks like we may have a new pope this time next week.  Until then, let's cheer on the process.  Here's a papal rendition of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game":

Take me out to the conclave
Take me out to the show
Find me a cardinal who's scandal-free
Restore my faith in the Holy See
Let me root, root, root for a new pope
For one who'll clean out the house
For we NEED MORE GOOD and less sin
In the VAT-I-CAN.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Papal Vocabulary

As the excitement builds and we await the election of a new pope, let's pause and test our knowledge of the words surrounding this historic event.  Choose the best definition from the options below:

College of Cardinals
A) A flock of red birds in Harvard Yard
B) A Catholic preparatory school in St. Louis, Missouri
C) The body of cardinals of the Roman Catholic Church

Holy See
A) A third, invisible eye in the back of a pope's head
B) An exclamation, as in "Holy cow" or "Holy Smoke"
C) The papal court

Papal bull
A) A small, bovine animal native to Papua, New Guinea
B) The intrusive, out-of-touch dictates announced periodically by the Vatican
C) A formal proclamation issued by the pope

Sedia gestatoria
A) An inflammation of the intestines
B) A sedimentary rock
C) A portable throne used to carry popes

Pontiff
A) A large dog that guarded the Ponte Vecchio in medieval Florence
B) A small, cargo-carrying vessel of the Venetian lagoon
C) The pope

Zucchetto
A) An Italian confection
B) A male prostitute
C) A small, round skullcap worn by Roman Catholic clerics

Antipope
A) The devil
B) A typical American Catholic
C) A person established as pope in opposition to the one canonically chosen

Conclave
A) A cylindrical tool used in welding
B) A mathematical concept of set theory
C) The assembly of cardinals for the election of a pope

Papal encyclical
A) An over-sized bicycle
B) A condensed encyclopedia
C) A papal letter addressed to the bishops of the Church

Triregnum
A) The three kings of the Christmas story
B) An ingredient in chewing gum
C) The papal tiara

If you guessed "C" each time, you have a seat awaiting you in the Sistine Chapel.   Congratulations!  Don't forget to wear your zucchetto, and if you're lucky, you might get carried out in a sedia gestatoria.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Southern Pride

So here is my camellia.  It's been on its own all these  years, never specially watered or fertilized or pruned or spoken to--and perhaps its slow growth reflects this neglect.  Nonetheless, now my camellia is glorious.  Perhaps I'm a southern gardener after all.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Medical Millionaires

Steven Brill's report in this week's Time magazine details the outrageous medical costs that are passed on to consumers.  Read it and weep.  In "Bitter Pill" he follows the money--to administrative salaries, expensive equipment, and old-fashioned price-gouging.  Here's a condensed version of the article, which you can sing to the tune of "How Much is that Doggie in the Window?":

How much is that gauze pad that I need now?
The one that the hospital bought
I think it's sold cheaper at a Walmart
But sadly I'm stuck here and caught.

The hospitals charge us what they feel like
For drugs and machines and lab work
Don't try to make sense of bills they send you
You'll end up by going berserk.

The doctors don't make the really big bucks
Consultants and drug makers do
Machines and equipment are real cash cows
Whose cash comes from me and from you.

So try not to ever, ever get sick
Don't land at the hospital's door
For if you are there for even one day
You'll end up by being quite poor.