The October issue of Carolina Parent features articles typical of such magazines: "Breast Cancer Survivors Share Stories of Triumph," "Sweet, Sugar-Free Halloween Treats," and "Preserving Digital Memories that Matter." Words of encouragement fill the pages--from how to prepare for teacher conferences to how to garden with your kids. The darker sides of "parenting" skirt around the magazine's edges, however; snippets on childhood fears and lying are about as dark as it gets (not counting, of course, the unmentioned stories of mothers who didn't survive cancer).
Our so-called "parenting culture" is full of saccharine. The feelings of despair, fear, and anger that often accompany raising children are rarely acknowledged.
How refreshing, then, to read an interview with Chicago mayor Rahm Emanuel in Time Magazine (October 17, 2011), in which he's asked about parental favoritism. "Was there a favorite in the Emanuel family?" asks the interviewer. The mayor responds, "I used to say to my mother, 'You love Zeke more than you love me.' She said, 'No, I hate you all equally.'"
Hooray for Mrs. Emanuel! However fleeting--or not so fleeting--her sentiment was, we need honest and funny voices like hers more than ever. For the humor helps us face the dark stuff, the places we'd rather not go. But go we must, for the sake of our kids and, ultimately, for ourselves.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Fog
Raising children is like trying to take a picture of your kid in a Tilt-A-Whirl. Every so often you spot her, in focus, and you think you've got it right. But most of the time she whizzes around in a blur, despite all of your efforts.
If you're lucky, you catch her laughing more often than not.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Emergency Rx
A trip to the emergency room with my daughter last week reminded me once again of the limitations to our health care system--the supposed best in the world.
The waiting room that night was crowded with at least 50 patients. Many of us sat for 3 hours before a nurse took us to the back--casually directing us to treatment rooms as if we were lolling about on a summer night. Hardly the atmosphere of emergency medicine. What most of us needed instead, I realized, was urgent care.
But the urgent care clinics in Durham were closed, so the only remaining option was the emergency room. Very different from our experience in Ireland 4 years ago, when my mother needed a doctor after 5:00 pm. Easy, it turned out. The neighbor's clinic was open 24 hours, and the night shift was ready for us when we arrived. Low key and inexpensive, the treatment met the need.
You'd think that a nation like ours that has developed so many medical miracles and treatments would have figured out how to deliver these more effectively. But we're locked in by old models of inefficiency and waste, hampered by the special interests of providers and insurers.
Looking for ways to cut the costs of American medicine? The emergency room is one place to start.
The waiting room that night was crowded with at least 50 patients. Many of us sat for 3 hours before a nurse took us to the back--casually directing us to treatment rooms as if we were lolling about on a summer night. Hardly the atmosphere of emergency medicine. What most of us needed instead, I realized, was urgent care.
But the urgent care clinics in Durham were closed, so the only remaining option was the emergency room. Very different from our experience in Ireland 4 years ago, when my mother needed a doctor after 5:00 pm. Easy, it turned out. The neighbor's clinic was open 24 hours, and the night shift was ready for us when we arrived. Low key and inexpensive, the treatment met the need.
You'd think that a nation like ours that has developed so many medical miracles and treatments would have figured out how to deliver these more effectively. But we're locked in by old models of inefficiency and waste, hampered by the special interests of providers and insurers.
Looking for ways to cut the costs of American medicine? The emergency room is one place to start.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Autumn Landscape
Though my yard is not bursting with the fall colors that true southern gardeners produce, it nonetheless holds its own with those in the middling ranks.
The loropetalum is as lovely as its name. Native to China and Japan, it flowers in both spring and fall and requires little effort. It is a member of the witch-hazel family--taking its name not from the Halloween witch, but from the Middle English wiche or pliable. I love the delicate pink flowers. They are like fairies dancing before the cold of late fall sets in.
The soft leaves of lamb's ears are hard to resist. They make me think of The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams, even though rabbits--along with deer--resist these plants. Like the loropetalum, lamb's ears are easy to grow; in fact, they're difficult to kill. This can be a mixed blessing.
Chrysanthemums have always bothered me; they remind me of football and cheerleaders. Nonetheless, I decided to plant two this year and I'm glad I did. They're cheerful, it turns out, in a way that doesn't necessarily evoke cheerleaders. Imagine my surprise, then, to read in Wikipedia that while chrysanthemums symbolize death in several European and Asian countries, "the flower is usually regarded as positive and cheerful" in the United States--except for in New Orleans!
These nandina berries, which are orange now, will turn to a deeper red later this year. The plant itself is considered invasive in North Carolina, though I may be doing something wrong as it's not taken over my yard. Everything about the nandina (also called heavenly bamboo) is poisonous. Does this imply something sinister about heaven?
This impatiens deserves a prize. As you can see, I never gave it the courtesy it deserved of planting it in the ground. It has sat in this pot since May in a section of the yard undergoing renovation. It has survived drought and neglect. Look how beautiful it is.
The loropetalum is as lovely as its name. Native to China and Japan, it flowers in both spring and fall and requires little effort. It is a member of the witch-hazel family--taking its name not from the Halloween witch, but from the Middle English wiche or pliable. I love the delicate pink flowers. They are like fairies dancing before the cold of late fall sets in.
The soft leaves of lamb's ears are hard to resist. They make me think of The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams, even though rabbits--along with deer--resist these plants. Like the loropetalum, lamb's ears are easy to grow; in fact, they're difficult to kill. This can be a mixed blessing.
Chrysanthemums have always bothered me; they remind me of football and cheerleaders. Nonetheless, I decided to plant two this year and I'm glad I did. They're cheerful, it turns out, in a way that doesn't necessarily evoke cheerleaders. Imagine my surprise, then, to read in Wikipedia that while chrysanthemums symbolize death in several European and Asian countries, "the flower is usually regarded as positive and cheerful" in the United States--except for in New Orleans!
These nandina berries, which are orange now, will turn to a deeper red later this year. The plant itself is considered invasive in North Carolina, though I may be doing something wrong as it's not taken over my yard. Everything about the nandina (also called heavenly bamboo) is poisonous. Does this imply something sinister about heaven?
This impatiens deserves a prize. As you can see, I never gave it the courtesy it deserved of planting it in the ground. It has sat in this pot since May in a section of the yard undergoing renovation. It has survived drought and neglect. Look how beautiful it is.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
A Ray of Hope?
On Tuesday voters in next-door Wake County rendered a second opinion on the reactionary school board they elected two years ago. Though Democrats have not yet regained control of the board, they now hold four of nine seats with the strong possibility of adding the fifth in a forthcoming run-off election. The new members will bring a commitment to ensuring student diversity throughout the district and restoring integrity to the board.
Voter turnout on Tuesday doubled the numbers from 2009, when the current contentious board was elected. A harbinger of things to come?
I hope so. I hope that reasonable people who didn't vote last time will see just how extreme many of our newly elected officials are. This was the case in Wake County; perhaps the rest of the country will follow its lead.
Voter turnout on Tuesday doubled the numbers from 2009, when the current contentious board was elected. A harbinger of things to come?
I hope so. I hope that reasonable people who didn't vote last time will see just how extreme many of our newly elected officials are. This was the case in Wake County; perhaps the rest of the country will follow its lead.
Monday, October 10, 2011
The Messiah
The tributes to Steve Jobs were amazing. Flowers, candles, and apples--his company's store fronts became for a few days shrines where pilgrims could honor his spirit. This outpouring of affection for a brilliant, arrogant businessman struck me as odd. Are people really that attached to their iPads?
Perhaps. But I wonder if something else isn't going on.
We've been searching for a secular messiah in our country for some time now. I count myself among those who saw in Barack Obama the promise of a leader who would deliver us out of our mess. The Republican party, as it lurches from one presidential candidate to the next, is trying to find its messiah as well: Mitch Daniels, Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, Chris Christie, Sarah Palin, won't someone (other than Mitt Romney) ride in on a big, white horse?
Enter Steve Jobs, an American genius and entrepreneur whose products sell all over the world. Think the United States is in decline? Well, think again. Steve Jobs kicked butt, developing one new design after another. Take that, China.
The trouble is, Steve Jobs isn't and never was going to solve our massive problems for us. No one is, and the sooner we realize that no messiah is coming the better off we'll be. Which makes the Wall Street Occupiers all the more compelling. Inherent in their demonstration is the realization that no such messiah exists.
It's "we the people," stupid; this is the mantra we must tack on our walls.
Perhaps. But I wonder if something else isn't going on.
We've been searching for a secular messiah in our country for some time now. I count myself among those who saw in Barack Obama the promise of a leader who would deliver us out of our mess. The Republican party, as it lurches from one presidential candidate to the next, is trying to find its messiah as well: Mitch Daniels, Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, Chris Christie, Sarah Palin, won't someone (other than Mitt Romney) ride in on a big, white horse?
Enter Steve Jobs, an American genius and entrepreneur whose products sell all over the world. Think the United States is in decline? Well, think again. Steve Jobs kicked butt, developing one new design after another. Take that, China.
The trouble is, Steve Jobs isn't and never was going to solve our massive problems for us. No one is, and the sooner we realize that no messiah is coming the better off we'll be. Which makes the Wall Street Occupiers all the more compelling. Inherent in their demonstration is the realization that no such messiah exists.
It's "we the people," stupid; this is the mantra we must tack on our walls.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Weight Matters
The recent eruption over Chris Christie's weight exposed the elephant in America's living room. Political commentators, journalists, and late-night comedians all broke the silence--some of them were vicious and others were thoughtful. No matter the tone, the governor's obesity went viral.
What's going on?
According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, about 1/3 of American adults are obese. A shocking graphic on the Center's website shows an animated map of the United States from 1985 - 2010, where the dark colors representing obesity percentages take over more and more of the country each year. Among industrialized nations, we are second only to Mexico with the highest percentages of obese and overweight citizens; and our children tie with Scotland for the fattest population in the world (see "Economix").
We can't deny it. We're fat, and fatter than most of the rest of the world. Governor Christie's obesity is there for all to see. Whether we laugh uncomfortably about him or defend him passionately, we're squirming at the symbolic portrayal he reveals. Fairly or not, his obesity gets at the heart of America today, the part we'd rather hide: greedy, gluttonous, out-of-control, and self-absorbed.
Above all, we're consumers--consumers who consume more than our share. It's as if we're eating up the rest of the world, and it's not a picture we want to see.
What's going on?
According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, about 1/3 of American adults are obese. A shocking graphic on the Center's website shows an animated map of the United States from 1985 - 2010, where the dark colors representing obesity percentages take over more and more of the country each year. Among industrialized nations, we are second only to Mexico with the highest percentages of obese and overweight citizens; and our children tie with Scotland for the fattest population in the world (see "Economix").
We can't deny it. We're fat, and fatter than most of the rest of the world. Governor Christie's obesity is there for all to see. Whether we laugh uncomfortably about him or defend him passionately, we're squirming at the symbolic portrayal he reveals. Fairly or not, his obesity gets at the heart of America today, the part we'd rather hide: greedy, gluttonous, out-of-control, and self-absorbed.
Above all, we're consumers--consumers who consume more than our share. It's as if we're eating up the rest of the world, and it's not a picture we want to see.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Republican Woes
Sing to the tune of "Johnny's So Long at the Fair":
Oh dear, what can the matter be?
Dear, dear, what can the matter be?
Oh dear, what can the matter be?
Mitt is just not who we want.
He governed in Mass, it's a state full of Democrats
Passed health care laws, they're the work of a Socialist
Goes to a church that we think's filled with bigamists
Mitt's simply not one of us.
Oh dear, what can the matter be?
Dear, dear, what can the matter be?
Oh dear, what can the matter be?
Mitt is just not who we want.
Chris Christie is large and he shouts and he speaks his mind
Fires those teachers and takes on the union men
Isn't a sissy and talks like the rest of us
Christie is just who we want.
Oh dear, what can the matter be?
Dear, dear, what can the matter be?
Oh dear, what can the matter be?
Mitt is just not who we want.
Oh dear, what can the matter be?
Dear, dear, what can the matter be?
Oh dear, what can the matter be?
Mitt is just not who we want.
He governed in Mass, it's a state full of Democrats
Passed health care laws, they're the work of a Socialist
Goes to a church that we think's filled with bigamists
Mitt's simply not one of us.
Oh dear, what can the matter be?
Dear, dear, what can the matter be?
Oh dear, what can the matter be?
Mitt is just not who we want.
Chris Christie is large and he shouts and he speaks his mind
Fires those teachers and takes on the union men
Isn't a sissy and talks like the rest of us
Christie is just who we want.
Oh dear, what can the matter be?
Dear, dear, what can the matter be?
Oh dear, what can the matter be?
Mitt is just not who we want.
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