Decision Making 101

At the new George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum, visitors to an interactive theater decide how they would respond to some of the challenges that faced the 43rd president.  Here's a slight twist to this game.  Pretend you are President Bush and choose in each case below the answer that best describes the action he took.

1. Terrorists primarily from Saudi Arabia and financed by operatives in Afghanistan destroy the World Trade Center in New York, killing 3,000 people.  In response, you decide to attack which of the following countries:

A. Germany

B. Zimbabwe

C. Iceland

D. Iraq

2. Once you decide to invade Iraq, you need to come up with an explanation for this unexpected move.  You invent the following scenario:

A. The Iraqi government is poised to land a manned space shuttle on Mars.

B. A group of Iraqi school children threatened publicly to throw 50 pairs of shoes (that once belonged to Imelda Marcos) at you.

C. Gold has been discovered near Basra.

D. Saddam Hussein has acquired weapons of mass destruction.

3. You begin to capture suspects in your so-called "War on Terror."  You take which of the following actions:

A. Read the prisoners their Miranda rights.

B. Appoint defense lawyers.

C. Reread the Geneva Convention.

D. Ignore the international ban on torture and set up secret detention sites.

4. A major hurricane devastates the Gulf Coast of the United States.  You act quickly in the following way:

A. Watch CNN's coverage of people stranded at the Superdome in New Orleans and wonder if the World Series is under way.

B. Watch Al Jazeera's coverage of Americans sleeping on luggage conveyors at the New Orleans airport and wonder if this isn't a third world country by mistake.

C. Watch NBC's coverage of the failure of the levees throughout the city and find yourself humming "American Pie"--"drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry/Them good ol' boys were drinking whiskey and rye/Singing this'll be the the day that I die."

D. Watch the mayhem below from the comfort of your private presidential helicopter--seemingly disengaged and uninterested.

5. As the hurricane devastation unfolds, you compliment which of your advisers in the following way:

A. "Dick, You're as close to Voldemort as they come."

B. "Condi, You play the piano beautifully."

C. "Rummy, Thank you for reminding us of both the known unknowns and the unknown unknowns."

D. "Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job."

If you answered "D" in each case, congratulations!  You've won a day's free pass to the George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum in Dallas.

W

Here's a song in honor of the opening of the George W. Bush Presidential Library this week.  Sing to the tune of "Georgy Girl":

Hey there!  W!
Why is it that you don't seem so bad?
Is it 'cause we don't remember all
Of the harm you caused our country.

Hey there!  W!
Why have you been so ignored thus far?
Is it 'cause you left a mess that nobody can clean up?
You always seemed lighthearted, you never seemed too upset
With Dick and Rummy running the show, a little bit.

Hey there!  W!
There's a different side of you displayed
If we go to SMU and
Visit your new museum
The world will see a new W.

Don't cry, W!
Cheer up, W!

Lilly

Here's a break from last week's bad news.  Miranda took these pictures of her first childhood friend Lilly, who has Cornelia de Lange Syndrome, a genetic disorder with physical, medical, and cognitive symptoms.  Lilly rides every week at the North Carolina Therapeutic Riding Center, which provides equine therapy for kids with autism, learning disabilities, cerebral palsy, Down Syndrome, and other similar challenges.  On Saturday the kids competed in a horse show.

We didn't know whether Lilly would agree to ride that day, but here she is on her trusted horse Gigi:

 
The instructors and volunteers at the Center give hours of time to help deepen the children's lives:

Maybe the fake horse was easier to ride:

In the end what really mattered was this--Lilly wore pink boots to die for:

Such An American Tragedy

It's hard to get my mind around the events in Boston last week.  Both Monday's horrific bombings and Friday's violent conclusion hit close to home--even though we're 700 miles away.  Here's why I think these events felt so personal:

1. Most of us know someone who lives in Boston.

2. Marathons are a big part of our culture--our more wholesome culture, that is.  The Boston Marathon is like the 4th of July.

3. The bombings were so thoroughly photographed that, by the end of the day, the victims--both those who died and those who survived--almost became our friends.  They looked like people we knew.

4. The backwards baseball cap of the younger brother evoked the image of high school boys all over the country.

5. Backpacks are standard American gear.

6. Sean Collier, the MIT officer, was just sitting in his car doing his job; his shift was about to end.

7. The brothers spared the life of the guy whose car they hijacked.  If we'd played a starring role in this horror movie of all horror movies, wouldn't we have been cast as him?

8. Two brothers on a mission isn't hard to imagine.  We find ourselves hoping that Tamerlan lured his younger brother Dzhokhar into this diabolical scheme.  Then, we tell ourselves, this nightmare might make some sense.

9. In a video filmed by a woman who lives down the street from the Watertown shootout, you hear over 50 gunshot and explosive sounds--as well as dogs barking and birds chirping.

10. A 19-year-old curled up in a boat--Huckleberry Finn he ain't.

Relief

No song today.  Instead, gratitude that Madeleine and Daniel are safe in Boston and that so many people served their city with courage and dignity.  An awful week has come to an end.

America the Pitiful

The older I get the harder it is to accept the murder of children.  What kind of society doesn't take care of its kids, doing whatever it can to keep them safe?  The death of the little boy in Boston on Monday and the defeat of gun control measures last night have piled on top of each other, leaving me heartsick for all of us.  I keep thinking of John Crowe Ransom's poem "Bells for John Whiteside's Daughter," which captures the vitality of childhood abruptly cut off:

"There was such speed in her little body,   

And such lightness in her footfall,   

It is no wonder her brown study

Astonishes us all.

Her wars were bruited in our high window.   

We looked among orchard trees and beyond   

Where she took arms against her shadow,   

Or harried unto the pond

The lazy geese, like a snow cloud

Dripping their snow on the green grass,   

Tricking and stopping, sleepy and proud,   

Who cried in goose, Alas,

For the tireless heart within the little   

Lady with rod that made them rise

From their noon apple-dreams and scuttle   

Goose-fashion under the skies!

But now go the bells, and we are ready,   

In one house we are sternly stopped

To say we are vexed at her brown study,   

Lying so primly propped."

 

Vexed and astonished by the events of the week. What are we to make

of our callous country?

Tax Talk

Here's a vocabulary quiz in honor of tax day.  Choose the best definition from the options below.

1040
A. A nautical term of confirmation, as in "Over and out" or "OK."
B. A nontoxic cleaning agent.
C. The standard IRS form that individuals use to file their income tax returns.

Dual status alien
A. A bisexual Martian.
B. Two flying saucers attached together.
C. A tax status for individuals filing returns.

IRS
A. An Irish revolutionary organization.
B. An online dating service.
C. The Internal Revenue Service.

Head of household
A. What most American males think they are.
B. What most American males--in reality--aren't.
C. A filing status for individual taxpayers.

1099
A. The year of the Battle of Hastings.
B. A position from the Kama Sutra.
C. A form used to report a variety of taxable income.

Qualifying child
A. A child over the age of 8 who competes in the Olympic games.
B. A child under the age of 8 who secures early admission to Harvard.
C. A child of any age who meets certain IRS criteria and may provide tax benefits to a taxpayer.

Third party designee
A. The third person in a menage a trois.
B. The head of the Green Party USA.
C. A person authorized to discuss another person's tax return.

Did you guess "C" each time?  If so, you don't have to file your return today.  You've demonstrated superior understanding of the American tax code, for which your government thanks you.  Congratulations!  H & R Block wants you.

Sweet Congressman

With budget negotiations about to begin in Washington--in all their absurdity--I'm reminded of "Big Spender" from the musical Sweet Charity.  This song's about Paul Ryan:

The minute he walked in the House
I could see he was a man on a mission
A real cost cutter
Good looking, soulful eyes
Say wouldn't you like to know what's going on in his mind?

So let me get right to the point
He would give tax breaks to all the richest folks
Hey Paul Ryan
Spend a little dough on us.

From the East Wing

In the midst of all that Congressional noise of our legislators debating gun safety measures came the sane voice of the lady down the street--the First Lady, that is.  Here's what Michelle Obama said yesterday at a luncheon in Chicago:

"We can't stop all of the violence in the world, but if there is even one thing we can do, even one step we can take to save another child or another parent from the grief that's visited families like Hadiya's, and so many others here today, then don't we have an obligation to try?"

She's right.  Saving lives is the bottom line, however small the step might seem.  All of the other arguments we hear, particularly those of second amendment rights, simply don't rise to this level of moral import.

She's right.  We have an obligation to try.

Tax Time

Too
tired
to
type
today.

My Fair Neighbors

So this is a lighthearted reflection on the walks I take each morning in my neighborhood, where I pass people that I don't know very well.  We have a nodding acquaintance, you might say, and so I salute these fellow travelers of the dawn.  Sing to the tune of "On the Street Where You Live" from My Fair Lady:

I have often walked down this street before
And I see the same old neighbors as I saw before
There are dog walkers and the solo ones
Some who speak, some who nod, some who don't.
There are two nice guys, one is black one white
They are liberal Democrats and so I like them both
Others I can't tell if they're red or blue
But they're here on the street where I live.

And oh the curious feeling just to know so little at all
About these people I see now
Each day traverse the same path as the one I'm on.

People pass me by, they don't bother me
'Cause we're on the same old journey that we've always been
Let the time go by, I will care if I
Can't walk here on the street where I live.

A Dog's Life: Washington Waggers

Have you ever noticed that politicians look like dogs?  Take the quiz below and match the photographs with the following public figures: John Boehner, Michele Bachmann, Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, Dick Cheney, and Paul Ryan.  Answers appear at the end (though multiple interpretations are acceptable--except for the basset hound and the bull terrier).

A) Afghan hound:
          

B) Basset hound:

C) Toy fox terrier:

                     

D) Chinese crested:

          

E) Bull terrier:
                                                                                            

F) Collie:
                                                                            
Answers: A) Nancy Pelosi  B) John Boehner  C) Paul Ryan  D) Michele Bachmann  E) Dick Cheney  F) Joe Biden

Duke Gardens Reflections

 "And this, our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything."

~ William Shakespeare, As You Like It