Thursday, February 28, 2013

Random Questions from the Week's News

Is Chris Christie becoming a Democrat?  (Answer: Possibly.)

Is Time magazine about to redirect the healthcare debate, with Stephen Brill's exhaustive cover story about the rip-off costs of American medicine?  (Answer: I hope so.)

Can Congressional Republicans become even more dysfunctional?  (Answer: Afraid so.)

Did the NC legislature really vote to refuse Medicaid expansion and to return $64 million in unspent grant money to the federal government?  (Answer: Incredibly, yes.)

When do the Cardinals arriving at the Vatican change into their red robes (and do they wear matching shoes)?  (Answer: You know the Vatican, "Mum's the word.")

Monday, February 25, 2013

I wish I was in the land of cotton. . .

. . . oh that's right, I already am.

And so are a lot of other people who, I think, are still working through the final vestiges of the Civil War.

Let me explain.

Following the president's State of the Union speech last month, a New York Times commentator said that the country's political climate has not been so polarized since the Civil War.  And in the month since that speech, the climate has grown even worse as the Republican party holds the rest of us hostage to its narrow, privileged platform--determined to defeat President Obama regardless of the cost.

Enter "Dixie": the 2012 electoral map that shows all of the old Confederacy, except for Virginia, as solidly red.  Call me whatever you want for raising the issue of race, but I think the election--and then, to top it off, the reelection--of a black man reignited the smoldering ashes of Atlanta, Richmond, and Gettysburg.  One hundred fifty years is not that long for a nation to recover from such a traumatic war--a war that was fought largely over the place of the black man and the states' rights to determine that place.

That a black man now sits at the top (with his black family living in that whitest of white houses) has taxed some people so much that they can only lash out--which is exactly what's happening.  And isn't the word "sequester" an interesting one as the focus of all the rage?  It sounds ominously like "secession" and means essentially the same thing as "segregation."

The writer of "Dixie" had it right: "Old times there are not forgotten."  Someday they will be, I feel certain.  But in the meantime, those who wish to remember are choosing to destroy whatever they can on their way down.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

The Sky is Falling

After the asteroid exploded last week over Russia, conversations about how to protect ourselves dominated the airwaves.  I'm not sure such efforts would work.  Sing to the tune of The Beatles' "If I Fell":

If the sky fell in on you
Would you know just what to do
Unlike the dinosaurs
Who stood still and were destroyed
By a major asteroid
That fell from the sky.

If we build a giant shield
Can we be sure
We'll protect ourselves
From rocks that glow and streak so bright.

If we study space
Can we predict a hit
Such as Henny Penny did
In warning all her friends
'Cause if not we'll all be toast.
If the sky falls in on us.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Medical Malapropisms

January and February are big medical months for me, when I immerse myself in the world of doctors and dentists.  Though I find the language of medicine largely unappealing, yesterday I came upon the word "osteopenia" and realized that it was an unusually pretty word whose definition doesn't match the way it sounds.  So here are some proposed alternative definitions for words from my medical records, making the unpleasant perhaps a bit more pleasant:

Osteopenia--an island off the coast of Italy

Phlebotomist--a Medieval botanist

Mammographer--one who charts the migrations of whales

Bitewings--yellow-crested birds native to Belarus

Neoplasm--A premature baby platypus

Cecal polyps--Underwater caverns ringing the Galapagos

Carcinoma--Female Spanish filmmaker

Ileum--A Greek melodic tune

Mucosal--Of or pertaining to the coastline of Muscat

Atypical nevus--A blue star visible only in the southern hemisphere

Monday, February 18, 2013

Downton Doings

Now that Downton Abbey, Season 3, has come to an end, I have a few questions for Julian Fellowes.  A few missing puzzle pieces, you might say. . .
How is Gwen, the housemaid from Season 1, making out at her job with the telephone company?

Did Sir Richard Carlisle--Mary's fiance from Season 2--ever find a wife?

Has Sir Anthony Strallan--the guy who stiffed Edith in Season 3--recovered from such a high-profile faux pas?

Is there finally hope for Thomas (Seasons 1, 2 & 3)?

Why did John Bates' cell mate (Season 3) have it in for Bates?  (And by the way, please don't send anyone else to prison; it's too depressing.)

Does Dr. Clarkson (Seasons 1, 2 & 3) accept Blue Cross/Blue Shield?

Does Cora ever learn about O'Brien's treachery (soap episode, Season 1)?

Will Daisy ever really get out from under Mrs. Patmore (Seasons 1, 2 & 3)?

Does Ethel's "bastard" son Charlie stand a chance with that mean-spirited prig of a grandfather (Seasons 2 & 3)?

And will the Dowager Countess be the last one standing (Seasons 1, 2 & 3)?

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Papal Pomp

This pope--I mean post--is irreverent, but I can't help it.  I love it when a new pope is chosen, especially the smoke that announces the election results.  It's the Medieval version of "one if by land, two if by sea."  Sing to the tune of "Smoke Gets In Your Eyes":

Popes, they will come and go
Johns and Pauls you know
At the Vatican
Where they dwell in sin
Who this time will win?

The Cardinals will meet
Taking each a seat
Voting by and by
Even when a tie
Smoke blows from on high.

So the bishops come into the town
To find a new pope for us
If they don't, the smoke blows very black
We are without a pope.

But, if the smoke is white
And it's very bright
Then there's a decree
A new pope to be
Smokin' Holy See.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Random Questions on the SOTU

I thought the President's speech on Tuesday night was excellent.  Just a few questions, though:

1. Did Joe Biden and John Boehner coordinate their purple and pink Easter ties?

2. Can we get a new Speaker of the House, if for no other reason than to have a more pleasant-looking person seated behind the President?

3. Isn't there something wrong with people who don't applaud the goal to educate all preschool-aged children in America?

4. Can we pay our legislators the minimum wage?

5. Is it me, or has Marco Rubio been over-hyped?

Monday, February 11, 2013

A Dog's Life: Barney

If you haven't yet seen the portrait that George W. Bush painted of his dog Barney, click here.  I had no idea that our former president had such artistic ability; the rendering of his beloved dog is unusually well done.  In releasing the portrait, President Bush also made a statement about Barney, who died not long ago:

"Barney and I enjoyed the outdoors.  He loved to accompany me when I fished for bass at the ranch. . . Barney was by my side during our eight years in the White House.  He never discussed politics and was always a faithful friend."

After so many years feeling at odds with President Bush, I've finally found common ground.  He hits the hallmarks of a friendship with a dog--faithful, silent companionship--emphasis especially on "silent."  How wonderful to have a friend who expects no discussion, no explanations, no clarification, no rebuttals.

He simply is.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Postal Privation

The Post Office announced this week that Saturday delivery--except for packages--will end in August.  Here's a song for all the people who still love to get their mail six days a week, based on The Beatles' "Please Mr. Postman" (originally produced by The Marvelettes):  

Wait, oh yes wait a minute mister postman
Wait, wait mister postman

Mister postman, look and see
About a Saturday delivery
I been used to mail all this time
Coming in to that box of mine.

There must be some word today
From the gov'ment so far away
Please mister postman look and see
About a Saturday delivery
I been getting all my mail this way
For years and years, you see,
Don't wanna change to no more letters
On that Saturday delivery.

Please mister postman, look and see
About a Saturday delivery
Please mister postman, please, please, please,
Tell me this is just another tease.

Please mister postman. . .

Thursday, February 7, 2013

A Dog's Life: Sundance & Cassidy

From Walt Whitman--

"I think I could turn and live with the animals; they are so placid and self contained;
I stand and look at them long and long.
They do not sweat and whine about their condition;
They do not lie awake in the dark and weep for their sins;
They do not make me sick discussing their duty to God;
Not one is dissatisfied--not one is demented with the mania of owning things;
Not one kneels to another, nor his kind that lived thousands of years ago;
Not one is responsible or industrious over the whole earth."

Monday, February 4, 2013

Sniper Attack

Is there any more bizarre gun story than the one reported yesterday where a former Navy SEAL was shot and killed by a former veteran on a shooting range in Texas?  That Chris Kyle--the "Most Lethal Sniper in U.S. Military History," as he described himself--ended up as yet another victim of gun violence shows up the absurd and dangerous gun culture we embrace.  Look at the NRA myths that this story exposes:

Arming yourself makes you safe

Trained shooters can protect themselves (and others)

Recreational shooting is a harmless hobby

Background checks are unnecessary (Kyle's murderer suffered from mental illness)

We need only to read the news each day to see how disturbed our relationship is to guns.  When one of our best shooters is himself gunned down, things have obviously gone too far.

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Hillary Salute

The British band Herman's Hermits released "I'm Henry the Eighth, I Am" in 1965, a song that stands out in my mind for its 3-syllable pronunciation of the word "Henry"--Hen/e/ry rather than Hen/ry.  I thought of this syllabication when I reflected on Hillary Clinton's resignation yesterday as Secretary of State.  Here's the new rendition:

I'm Hillary of State, I am,
Hillary of State, I am, I am,
I retired just the other day
Someone started a new PAC they say
To help me run for the President
To follow in the footsteps of old Bill
I would be the first girl in the job
Yes, sirree, that's me, that's Hill.

Second verse
Changed from the first.

I'm Hillary of State, I am,
Hillary of State, I am, I am,
I've been on the scene for years and years
Toughing out the scorn and all the jeers
But now I sit in the catbird seat
Confident, secure in who I am
All those old, white guys in Washington
Soon will have to call me Ma'am.