Medical Malapropisms

January and February are big medical months for me, when I immerse myself in the world of doctors and dentists.  Though I find the language of medicine largely unappealing, yesterday I came upon the word "osteopenia" and realized that it was an unusually pretty word whose definition doesn't match the way it sounds.  So here are some proposed alternative definitions for words from my medical records, making the unpleasant perhaps a bit more pleasant:

Osteopenia--an island off the coast of Italy

Phlebotomist--a Medieval botanist

Mammographer--one who charts the migrations of whales

Bitewings--yellow-crested birds native to Belarus

Neoplasm--A premature baby platypus

Cecal polyps--Underwater caverns ringing the Galapagos

Carcinoma--Female Spanish filmmaker

Ileum--A Greek melodic tune

Mucosal--Of or pertaining to the coastline of Muscat

Atypical nevus--A blue star visible only in the southern hemisphere