Random Questions from the Week's News

Is Chris Christie becoming a Democrat?  (Answer: Possibly.)

Is Time magazine about to redirect the healthcare debate, with Stephen Brill's exhaustive cover story about the rip-off costs of American medicine?  (Answer: I hope so.)

Can Congressional Republicans become even more dysfunctional?  (Answer: Afraid so.)

Did the NC legislature really vote to refuse Medicaid expansion and to return $64 million in unspent grant money to the federal government?  (Answer: Incredibly, yes.)

When do the Cardinals arriving at the Vatican change into their red robes (and do they wear matching shoes)?  (Answer: You know the Vatican, "Mum's the word.")

I wish I was in the land of cotton. . .

. . . oh that's right, I already am.

And so are a lot of other people who, I think, are still working through the final vestiges of the Civil War.

Let me explain.

Following the president's State of the Union speech last month, a New York Times commentator said that the country's political climate has not been so polarized since the Civil War.  And in the month since that speech, the climate has grown even worse as the Republican party holds the rest of us hostage to its narrow, privileged platform--determined to defeat President Obama regardless of the cost.

Enter "Dixie": the 2012 electoral map that shows all of the old Confederacy, except for Virginia, as solidly red.  Call me whatever you want for raising the issue of race, but I think the election--and then, to top it off, the reelection--of a black man reignited the smoldering ashes of Atlanta, Richmond, and Gettysburg.  One hundred fifty years is not that long for a nation to recover from such a traumatic war--a war that was fought largely over the place of the black man and the states' rights to determine that place.

That a black man now sits at the top (with his black family living in that whitest of white houses) has taxed some people so much that they can only lash out--which is exactly what's happening.  And isn't the word "sequester" an interesting one as the focus of all the rage?  It sounds ominously like "secession" and means essentially the same thing as "segregation."

The writer of "Dixie" had it right: "Old times there are not forgotten."  Someday they will be, I feel certain.  But in the meantime, those who wish to remember are choosing to destroy whatever they can on their way down.

The Sky is Falling

After the asteroid exploded last week over Russia, conversations about how to protect ourselves dominated the airwaves.  I'm not sure such efforts would work.  Sing to the tune of The Beatles' "If I Fell":

If the sky fell in on you
Would you know just what to do
Unlike the dinosaurs
Who stood still and were destroyed
By a major asteroid
That fell from the sky.

If we build a giant shield
Can we be sure
We'll protect ourselves
From rocks that glow and streak so bright.

If we study space
Can we predict a hit
Such as Henny Penny did
In warning all her friends
'Cause if not we'll all be toast.
If the sky falls in on us.

Medical Malapropisms

January and February are big medical months for me, when I immerse myself in the world of doctors and dentists.  Though I find the language of medicine largely unappealing, yesterday I came upon the word "osteopenia" and realized that it was an unusually pretty word whose definition doesn't match the way it sounds.  So here are some proposed alternative definitions for words from my medical records, making the unpleasant perhaps a bit more pleasant:

Osteopenia--an island off the coast of Italy

Phlebotomist--a Medieval botanist

Mammographer--one who charts the migrations of whales

Bitewings--yellow-crested birds native to Belarus

Neoplasm--A premature baby platypus

Cecal polyps--Underwater caverns ringing the Galapagos

Carcinoma--Female Spanish filmmaker

Ileum--A Greek melodic tune

Mucosal--Of or pertaining to the coastline of Muscat

Atypical nevus--A blue star visible only in the southern hemisphere

Downton Doings

Now that Downton Abbey, Season 3, has come to an end, I have a few questions for Julian Fellowes.  A few missing puzzle pieces, you might say. . .

How is Gwen, the housemaid from Season 1, making out at her job with the telephone company?

Did Sir Richard Carlisle--Mary's fiance from Season 2--ever find a wife?

Has Sir Anthony Strallan--the guy who stiffed Edith in Season 3--recovered from such a high-profile faux pas?

Is there finally hope for Thomas (Seasons 1, 2 & 3)?

Why did John Bates' cell mate (Season 3) have it in for Bates?  (And by the way, please don't send anyone else to prison; it's too depressing.)

Does Dr. Clarkson (Seasons 1, 2 & 3) accept Blue Cross/Blue Shield?

Does Cora ever learn about O'Brien's treachery (soap episode, Season 1)?

Will Daisy ever really get out from under Mrs. Patmore (Seasons 1, 2 & 3)?

Does Ethel's "bastard" son Charlie stand a chance with that mean-spirited prig of a grandfather (Seasons 2 & 3)?

And will the Dowager Countess be the last one standing (Seasons 1, 2 & 3)?

Papal Pomp

This pope--I mean post--is irreverent, but I can't help it.  I love it when a new pope is chosen, especially the smoke that announces the election results.  It's the Medieval version of "one if by land, two if by sea."  Sing to the tune of "Smoke Gets In Your Eyes":

Popes, they will come and go
Johns and Pauls you know
At the Vatican
Where they dwell in sin
Who this time will win?

The Cardinals will meet
Taking each a seat
Voting by and by
Even when a tie
Smoke blows from on high.

So the bishops come into the town
To find a new pope for us
If they don't, the smoke blows very black
We are without a pope.

But, if the smoke is white
And it's very bright
Then there's a decree
A new pope to be
Smokin' Holy See.

Random Questions on the SOTU

I thought the President's speech on Tuesday night was excellent.  Just a few questions, though:

1. Did Joe Biden and John Boehner coordinate their purple and pink Easter ties?

2. Can we get a new Speaker of the House, if for no other reason than to have a more pleasant-looking person seated behind the President?

3. Isn't there something wrong with people who don't applaud the goal to educate all preschool-aged children in America?

4. Can we pay our legislators the minimum wage?

5. Is it me, or has Marco Rubio been over-hyped?